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Showing posts from January, 2019

It Wasn't Supposed to Be This Way

It wasn't supposed to be this way. I never dreamt when I said "I do" that this would be the life I'd live.  He knew all the right words. He was able to get me to share my deepest desires, fears and hopes and dreams. And then he used that information and manipulated me like a little puppet to do whatever he wanted. Now here I am: alone, broke, scared, stressed and trying my best to grow four little people into productive, good people in the meantime.

As I prepare to wish my four little people a very happy fifth birthday, my heart is bursting with emotions. I am so proud to say that we've made it this far. I'm proud of who they're becoming and how smart they are. But mostly, I'm proud that they are kind people and they care about others. Still, there's a part of me that grieves the life that I had planned and hoped for for both them and me.

Shortly into my quadruplet pregnancy, my husband and their father started disappearing. When I say disappearin…

2019

The New Year is always full of excitement, potential and big dreams.  We often feel pressured to write down resolutions on the New Year. I can't remember the last time I made resolutions for the New Year.

2018 came and went, just like the four years before it. As I reflected on 2018, it occurred to me that most of the past few years are just a blur. Each and every day is over before I'm ready to be done. There's never enough time in any day. Everyone tells me not to blink because if I do, my four little angels will be grown.  The moments seem so long, but the years go by so fast.

As we embark on another short chapter of life called 2019, this year, I do have goals lined up. I am at a place in my life I'd like to view as rebuilding. Late in 2018, I began a process of starting over.  I was forced to make a tough decision to leave behind a life I was living alone with the kids and move home to where I grew up. With that move, I left a lot of physical and emotional baggage…