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Showing posts from 2019

I Don't Know How You Do It

A lady passed me in the supermarket last week.  I had a cart full of groceries, a couple kids hanging off the sides of it, one pulling on my shirt begging for something that had been placed at eye level, and another one trying to open the doors to the refrigerated food section. At this point in life, I know better than to make eye contact with strangers in public. Unfortunately, her eyes just happened to be in the exact direction of the milk case I needed to push my motley crew towards and as I plotted the path of least resistance, before I knew it, we'd locked eyes. "Excuse me", she said, "are they two sets of twins"?  By now I'm used to the statement and even though it makes absolutely no sense, I gave my half-hearted smile and gave my standard reply of "No ma'am. They're one set of quadruplets".  At this point, she launched into the typical response: mouth opens wide, confirms that I'm telling the truth, "I've never seen qu…

Mother's Day - A Post for the Brokenhearted

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What I'm about to say may come as a shock to many of you. I hate Mother's Day. In fact, for many years, I've hated Mother's Day. I know. It's hard to fathom. How can someone who loves motherhood and her children so much not appreciate a day where we recognize mothers? Well, it's easy. Throughout my life, Mother's Day has served a painful reminder of what isn't. 



It may come as a surprise to many, but there are many who are brokenhearted on Mother's Day: the mothers who are grieving, be it the loss of a child or the loss of their own mother, the mothers who long to be mothers but the reality seems impossible in this moment, and yes, the single mothers no matter how she became a single mother. 

Many women grieve on Mother's Day. For someone who has suffered the loss of their own mother or the loss of a child, Mother's Day can serve as a painful reminder of their heartache. The first Mother's Day after a loss can be hard, but as I am learning…

It Wasn't Supposed to Be This Way

It wasn't supposed to be this way. I never dreamt when I said "I do" that this would be the life I'd live.  He knew all the right words. He was able to get me to share my deepest desires, fears and hopes and dreams. And then he used that information and manipulated me like a little puppet to do whatever he wanted. Now here I am: alone, broke, scared, stressed and trying my best to grow four little people into productive, good people in the meantime.

As I prepare to wish my four little people a very happy fifth birthday, my heart is bursting with emotions. I am so proud to say that we've made it this far. I'm proud of who they're becoming and how smart they are. But mostly, I'm proud that they are kind people and they care about others. Still, there's a part of me that grieves the life that I had planned and hoped for for both them and me.

Shortly into my quadruplet pregnancy, my husband and their father started disappearing. When I say disappearin…

2019

The New Year is always full of excitement, potential and big dreams.  We often feel pressured to write down resolutions on the New Year. I can't remember the last time I made resolutions for the New Year.

2018 came and went, just like the four years before it. As I reflected on 2018, it occurred to me that most of the past few years are just a blur. Each and every day is over before I'm ready to be done. There's never enough time in any day. Everyone tells me not to blink because if I do, my four little angels will be grown.  The moments seem so long, but the years go by so fast.

As we embark on another short chapter of life called 2019, this year, I do have goals lined up. I am at a place in my life I'd like to view as rebuilding. Late in 2018, I began a process of starting over.  I was forced to make a tough decision to leave behind a life I was living alone with the kids and move home to where I grew up. With that move, I left a lot of physical and emotional baggage…