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When and how to tell people you have quadruplets...

I cried today. I literally broke down in tears and cried. Twice. 

For most people, crying is natural but for me, in everything I've experienced the past 3-5 years, crying is not a natural response. Especially, when it's for something as silly as a kind man telling you the job he's hiring for isn't a job for you.

For the last few months, my life has been a disasterwreck calamity.  Life kind of exploded on me in several different directions all at once and the kids and I ended up moving back home to Texas. My Uncle and Aunt were sweet enough to give me the old farmhouse that he and my Mom grew up in along with their older brother and parents. I've been trying to paint and update the house on my own for several months and I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I've gotten the kids enrolled in school and we spend most of our time at my Dad's living a completely disorganized mess between three places: his house, his motor home where we sleep, and our hous…

It Wasn't Supposed to Be This Way

It wasn't supposed to be this way. I never dreamt when I said "I do" that this would be the life I'd live.  He knew all the right words. He was able to get me to share my deepest desires, fears and hopes and dreams. And then he used that information and manipulated me like a little puppet to do whatever he wanted. Now here I am: alone, broke, scared, stressed and trying my best to grow four little people into productive, good people in the meantime.

As I prepare to wish my four little people a very happy fifth birthday, my heart is bursting with emotions. I am so proud to say that we've made it this far. I'm proud of who they're becoming and how smart they are. But mostly, I'm proud that they are kind people and they care about others. Still, there's a part of me that grieves the life that I had planned and hoped for for both them and me.

Shortly into my quadruplet pregnancy, my husband and their father started disappearing. When I say disappearin…

2019

The New Year is always full of excitement, potential and big dreams.  We often feel pressured to write down resolutions on the New Year. I can't remember the last time I made resolutions for the New Year.

2018 came and went, just like the four years before it. As I reflected on 2018, it occurred to me that most of the past few years are just a blur. Each and every day is over before I'm ready to be done. There's never enough time in any day. Everyone tells me not to blink because if I do, my four little angels will be grown.  The moments seem so long, but the years go by so fast.

As we embark on another short chapter of life called 2019, this year, I do have goals lined up. I am at a place in my life I'd like to view as rebuilding. Late in 2018, I began a process of starting over.  I was forced to make a tough decision to leave behind a life I was living alone with the kids and move home to where I grew up. With that move, I left a lot of physical and emotional baggage…

No Rest for the Weary...

You know that old, worn out, advice that people give with good intentions to pregnant women: "sleep when the baby sleeps"?  I never got that advice. I think most people realized that once I had quadruplets (it actually happened around 18 weeks into the pregnancy), I would never sleep again. I feel like I might be the most permanently exhausted person on the planet. I cannot remember the last time I felt rested. Even when I've forced myself and tried to get my eight hours of sleep, I am still exhausted. Caffeine is what fuels me.
When the babies came home from the NICU, they were on a three hour feeding schedule. The only problem was, it took 1.5 hours to feed all of them. Then I'd still have 30 minutes worth of clean up and preparations for the next feeding to do which meant I got my sleep in about one hour increments. 
There was a sweet spot at around 11 months of age, that they'd sleep through the entire night. That lasted for about 9 months but I was foolish and…

A bump (and a bite) in the road...

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Yesterday I wrote about my move and all the work I have to get done in it. This morning, I made a trip to the local ER for two reasons. During my move, I felt something pop in my foot while we were loading the truck. I nonchalantly put a bit of ice on it and then went on for four more days trying to get moved without getting proper medical care. My foot was getting worse and worse. Then, yesterday, one of my daughters decided that our cat needed to go outside to "play with dogs". In spite of both my and my sister's advice that this wasn't a very good idea, she went with her four years of life experience that this was a great idea. A few minutes later, I went outside because I knew my assistance would be needed in some form. Sure enough, she had the cat up in the air above her and the big dogs were trying to chase it. Fortunately, she let the cat go so she didn't get mauled, but as one can expect, the dogs tried to eat the kitten. Knowing an injured or dead cat w…

Master of Moves? Not Quite!

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Surprise! I moved. Again! Moving is proven to be one of the most stressful life experiences people go through.  If this research is accurate, I am one stressed out person! I'm not sure if I can count the number of times I've moved in the last ten years. And I just moved again - across state lines for the second time in two years.

Thank goodness that I have some really incredible friends and family members who helped me! I'm so lucky to have friends who are willing to travel 600 miles one way to work their butts off and help me pack up all of the junk I've collected over the past five years.  Let me tell you, when you're raising quadruplets, you accumulate a lot of junk. Not only does it take a lot of stuff to raise them, your time is also limited so without a lot of help, you can't go through your stuff and downsize like you ordinarily would. I am beyond grateful for my friends!

Once we got everything loaded and clean, we were in for a full day of driving. Aft…

Lessons Learned

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Life as a single quad mom can be summed up in two words: exhausting and lonely.  I often feel like no matter how much heart and how much effort I put into the task before me, I'm climbing a mountain that few people can say they've attempted. And while I'm never ever alone, I always have my four blessings with me, not having someone who can completely understand the struggles you face can make one extremely lonely.

Today, a friend of mine who knew me when I was just a kid, posted a quote to my Facebook wall.

"You can rise up from anything. You can completely recreate yourself. Nothing is permanent. You're not stuck. You have choices. You can think new thoughts. You can learn something new. You can create new habits. All that matters is that you decide today and never look back".  I'm not looking back.  My long-time blog followers know that I've been through a lot in the past five years. From finding out I was having quadruplets, to having quadruplets,…